We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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