he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
