I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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