My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Randomize
