if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
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