I think scott just propositioned me for sex
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
