I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
