just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
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