good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
