Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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