After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
BRING THE BAGELS
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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