Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
