Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
