pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
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Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
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Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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