She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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