I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
