Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
