I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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