some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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