Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
