Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize