DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
