He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
