You're my little dorito
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
