u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
