guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
