I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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