Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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