Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
