Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
