my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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