My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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