the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
