you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
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Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
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You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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