i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
