I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
