So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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