my vag is so smooth its legendary
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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