NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize