ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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