I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
