She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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