now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
