Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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