I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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