We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
