you win again, gameday.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
