i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
