.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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