i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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