My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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