I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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