do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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