Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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