So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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