We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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