Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
