I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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