There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
