I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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