neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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