Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
home. puking in laundry basket.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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