What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
