never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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