I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
