Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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