Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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