If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
