Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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